Monday, December 1, 2008

Retreat!

It's funny, when we talk about going on a retreat, I think most people don't even consider the military/war meaning of this word. Yet, hopefully, if a spiritual retreat is done well, it should take you out of the front lines and move you back to the infirmary or something like that. Well, we just went on a retreat, though I'm still a little baffled by the whole experience. Let me try to recall without going overboard.

All of the teachers from our organization went up to Beijing to get some R & R. It was very good getting to connect with everyone again, especially since it's just a team of 2 here in my city. There were about 40+ folks at the retreat, and it is pretty amazing when you have the revelation of, "Oh, wow! I can talk at full speed and you understand me!"

However, we learned some information at this retreat that was a little unexpected. I shouldn't mention it here, but I'll say that because of this information, I now feel like it may be appropriate for me to stay for a third year here. I am prepared to do this, but it isn't exactly what I was planning. Still, I know my plans always need to be flexible, so I can flex.

But somewhere in the midst of a bunch of "foreigners" and with the strange news we got, my heart started to get a little confused. God (well, I'm assuming it was from Him) gave me some interesting visions for what's ahead in my life. I'm very excited about these visions, but there isn't much info about how or when they will come about. So, I will wait for these answers, and that's okay. But something else still isn't resolved in my heart, and I can't pinpoint it.

If I had to guess, I'd say it's that God is really asking me to have a closer walk with Him. And, to be honest, I really want that, too. At other times in my life, I'm not sure if I could say that and honestly mean it, but He is continuing to reveal Himself to me, and I just want to know and see more. But, I don't know if it's warfare or what, but I feel blocked from this closeness. My heart won't seem to quiet down, my workload doesn't ease up, I'm too often too tired, my sleep is often interrupted by the enemy, loneliness pangs sometimes disrupt my focus...etc. I don't mean to make a list of complaints or excuses. I'm just trying to process what's going on.

We're back in our city now, and already we've been hit by hard times. The students have recently given us some troubles, a couple of the foreign teachers here really seem to have some spiritual baggage with them (and a third teacher we know from before is coming next semester, too), several nights have been plagued by enemy activity...It's a war zone. God is being good to guide us through it all, but it's heavy.

Thank goodness our victory is assured in Him! And there is light breaking through. The students seem to be responding to our correction we've given them based on their bad decisions, and just the other night I had a dream of a lady I might call a priestess. She seemed full of evil intentions for our city, but I could tell that she was flustered by our presence here and by what the church is doing here. As I woke up, I saw her apparition in my room, but it faded with two loud screams being heard in the distance. I can't say I understand everything that's happening here lately, but I think that's okay. He is our God, and nothing will change that! Amen!