Work, Toil, or Something Worse?

The other night we had one of our Western Dinners with our students. During this time, we take them to a nice restaurant here and treat them to a steak dinner. It's a great thing to share with them, and watching them attempt to use a fork and knife for the first time is just funny. It's almost always a joy to see these young men and women get dressed up, learn a little western culture, and enjoy an experience that most of them have never had before. But as Rick and I were coming home from the dinner, we saw something that made our hearts kind of sink.

We got back from the dinner a little after 10pm. And as we were walking to our apartments, we saw a group of about 6-8 Chinese men, who were probably in their 40s and 50s mostly. They looked a little tired and a good bit beaten up by life. We smiled and said a polite "Ni hao," to them as we passed by. We didn't think much about it at first, but shortly afterwards, we realized that these men had been working on track and field area on our campus. "Ouch," we thought.

They work all day long, by the sunlight in the day and just by the moonlight at night. Most of them don't look clothed enough to stay warm. Most of them look like they haven't seen a good, warm meal in a long time. Yet, we pass by them wearing nice suits and ties, carrying back our leftover wine from the meal, and something just didn't set right with us. Yeah, okay, I know finances have a lot to do with the scene we saw, but I think I felt sad for a much deeper reason.

I know the ground has been cursed. I know work in this world is not fully redeemed. I know toil is something we face in this world, but I felt like what we saw was worse than that. It looked like toil, burdened by societal abuse and hopelessness, slightly warmed over by an ignorant contentment. What we saw looked much worse than just toil. It looked like hell. Ouch, ouch, ouch.

Also, I talked with a student tonight who told me about how his parents have shown their love to him by providing much for him, working long hours even at the expense of their own health, and sacrificing their own needs to care for his needs. How amazing their commitment is! Still, he knows there is more to love than just this. He'd love to have a hug, a word of encouragement, or even the chance to simply feel comfortable showing love to his parents. He really hopes he can, in time, understand what love is supposed to look like, yet he doesn't really want to share his understanding with his parents because he thinks it will only make them angry and discontent. They are happy enough with their lives now - why should that balance be upset? Whispers of death filled our coffee cups and turned them cold with lies.

China, my heart breaks for you! You could teach us in America a lot about the recklessness of our self-centered nature, and I hope I never force my culture on yours, but I hope and pray that someday you can come to understand that life and love have so much more to offer than what you have seen of it so far. God willing, maybe I will have a chance to show you.

It's Christmas Time

Well, it officially feels like Christmas now. I've been listening to Christmas music lately, but it just hasn't put me in a holiday mood, but that changed today. Today was a fun day.

First, this afternoon I received a package from some friends back home. It was filled with all sorts of goodies and silly things, too. Yeah, I know I probably shouldn't have opened it until Christmas, but I'll be out of town Christmas day, so I felt justified in my actions :P

Second of all, tonight we had movie night with our students, and we watched "Christmas Vacation." Although I nearly cried a time or two because the yearly tradition is that we watch this movie as a family, I loved getting to laugh with the students as they saw the movie for the first time.

It's great to see Todd and Margo making fools of themselves, the Griswold house and its 25,000 Italian imported twinkle lights, Aunt Bethany and her misplaced patriotism, Ellen's oh-so-sly (or is it not-so-sly?) flicking away of the dried out turkey, the fried pussy-cat, the dump truck driving through the nitroglycerin plant, Clark's beautiful monologue regarding his wonderful boss Mr. Shirley, cousin Eddie, cousin Eddie, and cousin Eddie. Ha! Such a good movie.

Anyway, it is still a little sad being so far away from home on Christmas for 2 years in a row now, but I'm glad the Christmas spirit has hit me. And next week we will travel to Shanghai to enjoy the holiday with other teacher friends there. We'll do a gift exchange and an amazing Christmas dinner of pizza. Ha. Should make for a good time.

Wishing you all a great Christmas season and holiday! Please drop me a line if I haven't heard from you in a while!

Retreat!

It's funny, when we talk about going on a retreat, I think most people don't even consider the military/war meaning of this word. Yet, hopefully, if a spiritual retreat is done well, it should take you out of the front lines and move you back to the infirmary or something like that. Well, we just went on a retreat, though I'm still a little baffled by the whole experience. Let me try to recall without going overboard.

All of the teachers from our organization went up to Beijing to get some R & R. It was very good getting to connect with everyone again, especially since it's just a team of 2 here in my city. There were about 40+ folks at the retreat, and it is pretty amazing when you have the revelation of, "Oh, wow! I can talk at full speed and you understand me!"

However, we learned some information at this retreat that was a little unexpected. I shouldn't mention it here, but I'll say that because of this information, I now feel like it may be appropriate for me to stay for a third year here. I am prepared to do this, but it isn't exactly what I was planning. Still, I know my plans always need to be flexible, so I can flex.

But somewhere in the midst of a bunch of "foreigners" and with the strange news we got, my heart started to get a little confused. God (well, I'm assuming it was from Him) gave me some interesting visions for what's ahead in my life. I'm very excited about these visions, but there isn't much info about how or when they will come about. So, I will wait for these answers, and that's okay. But something else still isn't resolved in my heart, and I can't pinpoint it.

If I had to guess, I'd say it's that God is really asking me to have a closer walk with Him. And, to be honest, I really want that, too. At other times in my life, I'm not sure if I could say that and honestly mean it, but He is continuing to reveal Himself to me, and I just want to know and see more. But, I don't know if it's warfare or what, but I feel blocked from this closeness. My heart won't seem to quiet down, my workload doesn't ease up, I'm too often too tired, my sleep is often interrupted by the enemy, loneliness pangs sometimes disrupt my focus...etc. I don't mean to make a list of complaints or excuses. I'm just trying to process what's going on.

We're back in our city now, and already we've been hit by hard times. The students have recently given us some troubles, a couple of the foreign teachers here really seem to have some spiritual baggage with them (and a third teacher we know from before is coming next semester, too), several nights have been plagued by enemy activity...It's a war zone. God is being good to guide us through it all, but it's heavy.

Thank goodness our victory is assured in Him! And there is light breaking through. The students seem to be responding to our correction we've given them based on their bad decisions, and just the other night I had a dream of a lady I might call a priestess. She seemed full of evil intentions for our city, but I could tell that she was flustered by our presence here and by what the church is doing here. As I woke up, I saw her apparition in my room, but it faded with two loud screams being heard in the distance. I can't say I understand everything that's happening here lately, but I think that's okay. He is our God, and nothing will change that! Amen!

Work

Well, I've been far too busy lately, but here's a story about something that happened in class today that I just wanted to share. I think it's kind of stream of consciousness, so hopefully it makes sense when you read it. Anyway, in the future, expect a post or two about some new thoughts that have been brewing in my head. Forecast? You will probably think I'm pretty weird by my new thoughts, but then, that's not too surprising, right? Here's today's story:

I had my "work" talk with students today. We start out with a question about "What's the history of work." Most of them talk about primitive societies. I offer that perhaps the first men and women were actually much greater than we were - so great that if we met them we might even feel like we should be worshipping them. I know that's a bit of a Christian belief, but I don't tell them that. They all seem to like this idea as a possibility and for discussion.

Then I ask them "Why do you work?" Most of them are quick to say survival and improving their quality of life. And slowly some other answers emerge, like fulfilling their self purpose and to make their lives more interesting. Then I ask them to think about what other parts there are to our lives. They say things like eating, sleeping, and relaxing. I ask them if they enjoy these things. They all say a big YES! I then ask if they enjoy work. Mixed reviews.

So, I ask them, "Why do you enjoy eating, sleeping, and relaxing?" The food tastes good and keeps them from being hungry. Sleeping keeps them from being tired, and a comfortable bed feels so nice. And relaxing helps them not to feel so many pressures and stresses in life. So, I ask them if those things are ever bad. They say of course. Sometimes food doesn't taste good, sometimes sleep is full of nightmares, and sometimes when we are relaxing we might end up fighting with our friends. I asked them if they still enjoy those things in general. Of course! So, I ask them if they think eating, sleeping and relaxing have value for their lives. They say yes.

Then I ask, "What's the value of work?" Most of them have similar answers to the last question, which is fine. So I ask them if they know what good eating, sleeping, and relaxing should look like. They say of course! I ask them how they know those things. They say they have read it in books or their parents told them or they heard it somewhere. I ask if that's enough to convince them it's true. They say that after time and experience, they see that what they've been told seems to be true. So I ask them if they know what good work looks like. Mixed responses. Although, most seem to agree that after experience, they will know what is good work.

Next I ask, "If no one told you what was good for eating, sleeping, and relaxing, how would you know what is good for you?" They again say that they could learn from experience. So I ask them about some different foods - particularly vegetables. Some of them like these vegetables; some of them do not. But we all agree that they are healthy veggies and that they are good for everyone, even if you don't like them. I asked the people who didn't like some vegetables if they eat those vegetables often. They said no. They would eat them if it was necessary, but it wouldn't be their first choice.

So I again ask them how they would know if work was good for them or not. They then start to recognize that maybe there are many good kinds of work out there, but not everyone is going to like every kind of work that is available. Also, they begin to see that they may not be able to know if a work is good for them until they try it. So I ask how many of them are nervous about finding a job. Everyone said yes. I asked them if there was anything they could do right now that would tell them if they would like their future job. Most of them said no or that the things they could do were pretty small. So, I asked them if being nervous would actually help them. Most of them agreed that it would not help them. And, even though they weren't completely satisfied by this, I saw many of them breathe a sigh of relief. It was as if someone gave them permission to not feel so much pressure about their futures. Pretty cool.

And we talked about several other aspects of what this would mean. Things like, if I pick a bad job, can I change it? Will I get stuck in a bad career path if I stay in a bad job for too long? Is there any way to make work more enjoyable on a regular basis? How do you add variety to a job that is boring and repetitive? Yeah, the discussion was just great. One of the best talks we've had all semester. It was really an honor to be their teacher today.

Seeking Wise Counsel

The Backstory

(FYI: Some content has been modified for the Web.) For as long as I've been here, and for many years before that, our "group" here has taught a class on Sunday mornings. At times it has been very productive and beneficial. Other times, the amount of disconnect has been so poignant, it seemed almost as though a bad dream were playing in slow motion right before our eyes. Yet, we have continued to believe that this time has been fruitful. Why, just 2 weekends ago, we did a weekend-long fast. We did this to draw near to God and seek His wise counsel in many areas of our lives. That Sunday also seemed blessed by this time when we had what I think we agree to be the most meaningful lesson to date. In fact, that weekend was so meaningful in general that we are considering the idea of making a habit of doing a weekend fast every month - so long as the motivation and timing are right. Disciplines should be used by Disciples, but they are never God - just a means to draw near to Him.

The Problem

The very next weekend, we were met with one of the most disappointing Sunday classes ever. Could we have guessed this? No. We felt just as moved by the preparation for that class as we did for the class during the fast. Is there a direct correlation? Maybe a little, but we doubt that it is entirely direct. Well, tonight as we were planning, this problem seemed to weigh heavily on our minds. We took time to pray about it and ask for counsel again. We certainly received guidance, but we feel we need additional time and prayer to discern if it is Truth.

The "Proposed" Solution

We have known for a long time that we never wanted Western culture to mask Truth. We wanted Truth to overcome all earthly culture to reveal eternal culture. But we cannot fully shed our culture. Nor can we fully shed our biases. But we do have a desire to use our knowledge and experience for real growth and discipleship over here. So, what seemed very real to us as a solution tonight was for us to step down from the role of in-class leaders. Many of our Sunday morning students don't speak English well. We don't want class to be an English corner, either. We also don't want it to be two dancing foreigners on stage for their entertainment. We want real Truth to be put into context that makes sense for them. But there is a terrible lack of leadership here. So we are hoping that we can move into the role of out-of-class leaders.

The Details and Questions

In our minds (which we know is not the final word here), we are thinking that we want to ask this Organization if they could find a local teacher here who can speak both English and Chinese. We would then take the years of experience we have walking the Walk, and use our knowledge to teach the teacher. The teacher could then contextualize our ideas and biases and turn them into local, relevant language and lessons for the students. However, there are some unanswered questions. 1) Will the Organization agree to this? 2) Is there a suitable teacher to be found? 3) Is this really what we are being led to seek? 4) If this is a good move, what do we do in the interim? Fortunately, we don't have to have answers immediately, and God is largely in charge of answering these questions. But we do want to be careful with #4 in particular. So, we are trying to continue presenting Truth, while possibly steering our lessons towards a final lesson of stepping down from our roles to allow for new in-class leadership.

The Request

This will not be an easy process. Perhaps not a quick one either. It needs to be bathed in prayer and wise counsel. If you feel particularly moved by this story please 1) pray with us and/or 2) provide any counsel you feel is appropriate to offer (keeping in mind some discretion should be used in that note/email). The final request - rejoice with us! We really feel Goodness is at work in what is going on here. We want it to continue. And we long to connect in more and deeper ways with our Lord. We pray this same blessing for those of you we know are regular readers of this space. Thanks, greatly.

The Sounds of Grief

I accidentally came upon part of a funeral here the other day. I didn't really recognize what it was at first. There were some really, really loud firecrackers being set off, and I figured someone had gotten married or a new company was opening, but when I saw a group of people with sad looks on their faces and all dressed in black, I knew what it was. Of course, I think black is fairly new for the Chinese and funerals. I believe white used to be traditional.

Anyway, as I walked along, I noticed something else. There was a whole line of women - maybe about 10 of them - who were wearing some kind of white coat or dress that looked intentionally plain. All of these women were wailing - not just crying - I mean there was truly a terrible sound of grief in their voices. I asked a student about this and he told me that when a person dies at too young of an age, there will be people who cry out in grief. However, if someone has died at a good age, then these women will be laughing, so as to celebrate that person's life.

I thought it was an interesting tradition, and it probably reflects some common thought among most cultures - if a person lived a good life, then their death should be a time of bittersweet enjoyment. Of course it's sad to lose them, but you know they lived their life well. But those sounds of grief stayed with me for quite a while that day. I realized how appropriate those sounds were for grieving someone who was lost to us. And it is all the more true if that person was lost from his Creator.

It is sometimes very distressing and painful to live among a people who generally don't acknowledge their Creator (or any other maker, for that matter). What do they hope in? I know in America we can believe a host of lies: our nation's strength, our finances, our comfort, etc. But China has just been ravaged by hard times in its history. How can these people be so resilient in the face of hopes that never seem to hold water?

Perhaps I speak too much. Anyway, I love what I get to do over here, and I can't wait to see more and more Chinese waking up to real truth. Perhaps then even the cries for those who are lost at too young an age can still be tempered with the hopefulness of eternity.

Restlessness Part 2

Well, it's about 1:00 AM here, and I find myself unable to sleep again. But I'm happy to report that this restlessness has not been the norm in the recent past. Although, it hasn't been completely unfamiliar to me either. Let me catch you up a bit on some of what has been happening with this.

After my first round of restless nights, I began seeking some spiritual answers to what was going on. So, at night I would take some time to rebuke any unclean spirits that may have been in my apartment. Not much change. Then Rick and I took some olive oil that he had, asked God's blessing on it, and we anointed the walls, floor and ceiling of my bedroom. I began to notice a difference after this. Most nights since then have been pretty pleasant dreams.

Let me say, though, that this is all unfamiliar territory to me. I'm not sure what anointing is supposed to look like. I'm not sure what is the extent of its blessing power. I'm not sure what are the right steps to use for it. Did we make some mistakes? Possibly. But considering how well my sleep has been in the recent past, I feel like we must be at least partially on the right path to understanding things in a deeper sense. You see, Rick and I are doing our best to grow our faith by entering into some uncomfortable parts of serving Him. Particularly, we are trying things we have not previously done in our walks, but perhaps we have heard that these have been effective in other parts of Christendom.

Of course, our efforts are not without difficulties. Two nights after the anointing, I awoke in the early morning in a cold sweat, feeling a heaviness very close to me. So close, I would say it was laying beside me on the other side of the bed. In fact, I could basically sense that it was there. As I looked at the empty side of my bed, a nasty voice growled at me. Without much thought, and with a lot of disgust, I growled back at it. Ha. I didn't notice the humor of the situation at first, but later I had a good chuckle. Anyway, I was angry because things were going so well after the anointing process that I really felt the enemy had no grounds to be back in my apartment. So, I rebuked him and told him that by Christ's authority he had to leave. And it seems he did, as I was able to finish the rest of my sleep without interruption.

Next up on our list, Rick and I are planning to do a fast this next weekend. We have both felt God pushing us to trust Him more by giving up our realm of control and letting Him lead a lot of what is happening. Seems like a wise thing, albeit a scary thing. But we both agreed that if we are going to seek His face with such abandon, we both need to draw closer to Him now. Thus, a fast seems like a good thing. This will be a dietary fast combined with a restriction of computer access. I'm not sure where it will lead, but I'm excited to see His faithfulness to us in a deeper way. Please pray for us to be held up and drawn near to our Lord during this next weekend. And please pray for rest!

Hope you all are well.